Meet Emily – at physician mom of five trained in OB/Gyn, the founder of the popular Facebook group SAHMD (stay-at-home MD) and a wellness and health coach. She is a social media influencer who has brought thousands of stay-at-home mom physicians together to voice their concerns and opinions.
The Stress Of Medical School
Emily started medical school married with two little boys ages seven and three. Her mom was able to help her with the kids during this time. Getting through school with a young family was not easy. The marriage did not survive the stresses of medical education. She ended up relying heavily on her mother as a single mom going to school full-time.
On To A New Chapter
While in medical school Emily met her current husband. They went through the match together and moved from Oklahoma to Buffalo, New York. He began training in Urology and Emily started her OB/Gyn residency. They were married during the second year of residency. Their daughter was born a year later.
Do I Stay or Do I Go?
It was during residency while home on maternity leave, she planned to take a year off. She and her husband decided, for their family they wanted Emily home with the kids and not a full-time nanny. When making these choices – there’s no right or wrong – you have to do what’s right for your family.
Factors That Influenced The Decision To Leave
Emily’s daughter was born in May. The new “school year” for residents starts in July. Instead of extending her maternity leave and impacting the schedules of her co-residents, she decided to take one year off so that residency spot could be filled by another person. She didn’t want to burden her fellow residents. Along with the considerations for your own family, a lot of physicians also end up taking the well-being of coworkers or co-residents into consideration when deciding to take time off.
There was also the factor of trying to live on one resident’s salary with three kids. Thankfully Emily’s father was able to contribute financially so she was able to spend that time at home. The plan was to return the next year and continue OB/Gyn residency – but Emily became pregnant with her fourth child! As time went on, she just loved being home with the kids. Leaving them to go back to the lifestyle of a resident was not something she wanted to do.
Feelings Of Guilt And Isolation
Physicians are natural overachievers and don’t commonly ask for help. The decision to leave her medical education brought about some feelings of guilt, but her family was supportive. Her husband thought the idea of leaving residency was a little crazy, but ultimately wanted her to be happy. They both agreed they didn’t want to hire full-time childcare.
Emily is completely understanding of those who do end up using full-time nannies. “I could have gone back, and my kids would have been fine. It was really me. It was purely a selfish motivation. Like, I didn't want that (life) for myself, I wanted to be the one home with the kids.” She did have to overcome judgment from others. There was the stigma of “you’re wasting your education” but she knew she was making the right personal choice.
A lot of physicians tie their identity to their profession. When you stop practicing medicine to stay home with your kids, there can be a feeling of isolation. You may feel like you are the only one in the world who went through that training and is now surrounded by mounds of dirty diapers. Most of the people you went to school with or trained with are in different phases of their lives. You and your peers don’t have much time to socialize. The transition can be very hard.
Time For Health And Wellness
When Emily’s husband finished training, they relocated to Texas. There she had her youngest daughter. As her daughter turned one year old, Emily was approaching age forty. “I feel like forty is some kind of magical number, especially being a physician where it's like, yeah, screenings should happen. I just started feeling like I probably need to take my health a little bit more seriously.” She began working out in the gym but eventually transitioned to working out at home due to taking care of her grandfather.
Her need for home workouts due to time constraints led her to stumble upon the Beachbody program. She started doing the workouts and began to realize it also included a community of coaches and support. Emily became a health and wellness coach with Beachbody. This aspect of coaching allowed her to once again become active in improving other people’s health and quality of life.
Accidental Social Media Influencer
“When you leave medicine like that, you are convinced you're literally the only human being on the planet that would be crazy enough to do that. I felt that for years. I really, truly did.” Emily stated she had a “Facebook meltdown” in a larger women physicians group about not feeling valued anymore. Many other women doctors responded that they had left medicine and shared similar feelings. Emily decided to start the SAHMD group on Facebook. It has now grown to over two thousand members. She also started the SAHMD Fit Club Facebook group that has over 200 members. “It really did save me knowing that there were so many other women that had made similar choices.”
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Photo courtesy of Emily McAndrew Padalino